Flirting is a basic foundational skill that has its own set of unspoken rules. As long as each person is enjoying the conversation everything is good. How to Flirt is a question that many of us have asked. Another would be: how do we deal with someone that is flirting with you when you don’t want them too? If we do not handle this situation well, the other person will feel rejected and it will be awkward if you run into them again.
I went to New York with a good friend of mine to have a fun weekend. We were invited to a restaurant and the owner let us into the VIP lounge. When I got up to use the restroom, the owner stopped me and asked if I would be interested in having dinner with him the next evening commenting about how beautiful I am. The first thing that went through my mind was “didn’t he see my diamond?” It is in this moment that I could have cut him off causing tension for the rest of the evening,
We Can Honor Someone Else While Tastefully Declining their Invitation, How Do We Do This?
- He had to take a chance to ask in the first place. It takes a lot of nerve for a guy to ask us out. He was confident in “the ask” and I have a lot of respect for that.
- Tastefully declining or causing him to lose face. If I would have reacted in a way that embarrassed him for asking, the rest of the evening would have been uncomfortable. Choosing to preserve his honor also preserved mine. I quickly began to think about what I could say to end his flirting, but still hang out with him without things becoming weird. It has to communicate my choice, but also allow the other person to preserve their honor?
- Setting us both up to win. After he asked me out, I thanked him for the invitation and let him know that I appreciated his attention. I said “thank you so much for the invitation to dinner that really makes me happy. If I were not married with a child, I would accept and we would be going to dinner tomorrow evening. You have flattered me and made my evening.” The rest of the evening was wonderful and we got to meet some interesting people in the VIP lounge. We even met the man who first discovered U2. This would not have been possible if I would have embarrassed him.
- What if you would never be interested in accepting a date even if you both were single? You can still preserve someone’s honor. We can’t forget that all of us have heartache and have experienced hurt. Be kind to the person that has gotten up the nerve to flirt with you. As long as they are not disrespecting you, it is easy to do. I would say something like: “Thank you so much for the attention that you are showing me. It makes me feel beautiful. I do not think that we would be a good fit for each other, but it makes me happy to receive the attention.”
- What if the person flirting is being disrespectful? I have had guys flirt with me and make rude comments toward me. There never is an acceptable time to be disrespected. I would say something like: “while I am flattered that I am receiving attention, this is not the type of attention that makes me happy. I will respect you if you respect me.” I said something similar to a guy that was bordering inappropriate and got an apology. The situation switched and he became a bit of a protector for me that evening. I did set a firm boundary and would have left if he would have persisted with rude flirting.
We can learn How to Flirt and navigate the different circumstances if we just maintain our wits about us and stay in the intention of honoring each other.