Being around a Controlling Person collapses the space and potential for you to be who you can be. Do you know of anyone that wants to control other people and will manipulate, twist and contort information to maintain that control? I have experienced this in my life.
I had a boyfriend that would twist everything that I said and try to knock me down a notch with his comments just to put me in my place. At first, I put up with this because I was really attracted to this guy. He had money, his own business, was older than me and considered an eligible catch.
A Controlling Person Does not Allow You to be Yourself
After a while I began to feel like I could not be myself around him. He wanted to control everything including the clothes that I wore. It did not matter what I conceded to do he always wanted more control of me. The attraction wore off and I eventually broke up with him. While I can compromise with someone and create deals that work for both of us, I have decided that I do not control well at all. Do you have someone in your life that is controlling? Here are a few tips on how to cope with control or gain your freedom from it:
How to Cope with a Controlling Person
Here are a few tips:
- Stay calm and cool when discussing a control issue with someone. If you start to yell at someone, it will just cause their defenses to go up and start an argument. This collapses the possibility for solving the problem and creating a deal. It may be difficult to maintain calm if the other person is not staying calm, but it is important that you try. I don’t always maintain my cool and will apologize if I don’t. Regardless of the end result, if things don’t work out and I have maintained my calm, I have much less regret because I really did try.
- The person controlling will most likely try to shift the conversation. If a person has issues with control, they have a hard time facing themselves. This causes them to shift blame, manipulate and contort the conversation to remove blame from themselves to someone else. The only way we can begin to become stronger is to face our problems and not blame everyone else. A controlling person has a hard time with this and will always try to change the subject, divert the conversation or accuse you of what they are actually doing.
- Do not allow guilt or manipulation. Guilt should never be used in a relationship. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty refuse to allow it. If you have done something wrong, apologize. Guilt is not something that is present in healthy relationships and is one of the main weapons that a controlling person will try to use on you. You can state that you will not be manipulated to do something. They can state what they need and you can let them know if you can provide it.
- Create a healthy boundary and state that you do not allow control. I don’t need my boyfriend to act like my parent. To thrive, I have to have the freedom to be myself and make my own decisions. I do want open communication so that I can be considerate of others and work out agreements that benefit everyone.
After having several discussions with my boyfriend, I had to break up. While it was a hard decision to do this, I knew that I could never live my life fully with him. I was able to be true to myself and honor him by attempting to communicate. My regret is zero now as I have found someone that I can be open with and we do not control each other.
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